Up Hill Battle

[weathering_it]

Everything about this is out of Anna Weatherhill's element: Standing in front of the office door of a learned man waiting to request his knowledge, meeting with anyone other than family for her health, talking openly about something normally reserved for shameful whispers or shouting matches...

But this is Doctor Hill she's here to see. Doctor Hill who was the first stranger in a very long time to treat her with some patience and sympathy. Dignity, even. He wasn't the sort of person to look down on her -- Crazy Anna -- and only in that regard is this meeting so intimidating. She desperately wants him to think positively of her, to continue treating her in the way he did the last time they met. And yet here she is, facing the prospect of baring the most intimate of her secrets to him.

Unbeknownst to her, Anna Weatherhill is experiencing the universal sensation of pre-therapy jitters. The combination of hope for the future and utter dread of everything else. But the only cure for that is to put it all in the past. Nothin' to it but to do it, and other such pointless phrases, as her brother might say. And so...

She knocks.

"Doctor Hill?" she calls, then tilts her head toward the crack in the door to listen for his reply. "It's Anna Weatherhill?" Light, she's already losing confidence in her own identity and the session hasn't even begun. "I don't know if you remember me, but I know you know my brother. Um." A slight hesitation before she deigns to say the name, "Harrowheart?"

A few more seconds pass before she thinks to ask, "Do I need an appointment, or may I come in?"

Comments

[weathering_it]

Anna frowns thoughtfully as she listens. Some things he says make more sense than others, and some things feel strangely bitter for a man who isn't exactly sharing her situation. Something about that rueful smile makes her eyebrow twitch, and she thinks immediately of Isidor and her doubts about the man.

"What are you suggesting?" she asks uncertainly. "What do you think I should do, Doctor? To gain knowledge, to have experiences? You seem to have some idea, but... I... I don't think I follow? Are you suggesting I move out? Live on my own, I mean?..."

[workthroughit]

"Mm, not right away, no. It would be best to keep you a stable and familiar environment while we exercise our options with medication and treatment. Are you opposed to that, by any chance? Taking pills to try and help manage your symptoms? It might take a bit of trial and error to see which ones work best for you, but I think once we find that balance, the difference they would make would feel quite dramatic."

Dr. Hill straightens up, letting his chair roll a little closer to the desk. "But I think asserting some independence and gaining some life experience might be right as well, when the time comes. You've been sheltered a great deal out of love, yes, but also out of a misled certainty that your own life would be in shambles if you were left to your own devices. I don't think that's true. Do you?"

[weathering_it]

"Pills?" Anna asks with an incredulous laugh. He can't be serious. Can he? She tilts her head to the side and smiles uncertainly, waiting for a punchline that doesn't come. He moves right on to the subject of independence and moving out, but her mind is still a step behind.

When he's quiet again she asks, "Pills can fix this? You mean like a little tablet? Of medicine? All I have to do is take a pill, and... It just... Goes away?"

But asking a question which to him must seem so ignorant brings her a sense of shame. She pushes it from her mind and focuses instead on the subject which must be more important. Determined, and trying to look more mature than she just had, she shakes her head. "I know my life wouldn't fall apart if I were on my own. If –" She hesitates, nearly says the wrong thing. "My brother can live on his own, there's no reason I can't do the same. I have my stuff together way more than him, even with Crazy Anna."

She watches him momentarily, some unspoken longing in her eyes. Eventually she sheepishly adds, "But if I could take pills and get together a little more... I-I wouldn't be against it..."

[workthroughit]

"Pills wouldn't fix everything, I'm afraid. It wouldn't negate all of your problems or symptoms. But it would make them far, far more manageable. Easier to predict, easier to control. Easier to function day to day without the fear your problems will overwhelm or undo your progress. And since I have your permission, I'll start looking into what doses and medications you should be given going forward." He gives Anna a reassuring smile. "I already have a few in mind that will be good starting points."

Her throwing Harrowheart under the bus doesn't get a comment, but it does get a wry smile. That boy.