weathering_it: (Lawrence! You Look Like Shit)
Anna Weatherhill ([personal profile] weathering_it) wrote 2017-04-15 01:39 pm (UTC)

"Durants can't be what? Lesbians? Buddy, we're currently hashing out how to save you from carnal relations with a corpse. Do you really think two human women getting wet and wild is as out-there as it gets? Sexual attraction doesn't play by the rules! If it did do you think I'd be banging my doctor? No! I'd be going to bed lonely dreaming of lights-on sex with a human woman in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation, and I'd probably blow my brains out from how boring it got. Expand your mind, little man! If not for your sake then at least for your fiancée's. Light."

He turns away, sighs, and starts to massage his forehead to polish a few errant thoughts into an actual plan here. "Light, and don't be so fucking helpful. I'll use my magic to carry the instruments... When a person is trying to lie to concoct a plan, you need to roll with it. Did Harrowheart not teach you this?" He side-eyes Viatorus skeptically and eventually heaves a huge sigh. He grabs him by the wrist and drags him toward the door which splits open as they arrive.

"HEY, ISIDOR!" Lawrence shouts, "I GOT IN A CRAZY FIGHT WITH YOUR BROTHER AND YOU NEED TO COME REAM ME FOR IT! ALSO, BRING ME A DESSERT!"

He pushes Viatorus out of the castle, then winks at him and whispers, "That was a lie. I'm saving your ass – literally. Just roll with it!"

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